Years ago, I had a lady I'll call Joan, join my in-gym group training program.
Her goal was to lose some weight and turn around some biomarkers of health that were not showing up
so well...she had high blood pressure, achy joints and she was pre diabetic.
When she came into the gym for her first visit, her first remarks were "I don't want to be here, but I am just here because my doctor and my hubby told me I have to be."
She went on to explain her last doctor's visit and how he suggested she needed to lose weight and move her body, to turn around what was transpiring in her boy and health. She was 210 pounds.
At this point, I pulled her aside and asked her what her goals were in coming into my class. I can't recall what she said but she was most certainly angry about the situation, and clearly did not want to me in my class.
It is understandable that when someone gets 'bad news' from the doctor, they are disappointed, and in Joan's case, angry. Anger is a natural reaction to fear, and it is prominent in our brain following 100,000 years of evolution (the Fear Bias is alive and well in our brain's hardwiring). But what is needed is a reset in our thinking habits, if we are to make any
progress at all.
As we moved into the class and began our training, it was obvious Joan just didn't want to be there. She made it known to everyone that she was not pleased, and that she was only with the class 'for a short time', and this wasn't going to be a long term thing.
At this point, I asked her to leave...not because I was upset or not because I felt she wouldn't benefit, but I quietly said that unless she was there for HER, to take responsibility for the upcoming classes and effort, then her being in the class would not benefit her.
Back then, I didn't stray much into the psychology of the person before me, but it was clear that her 'default setting' was anger, and she was deep in it, refusing to move out of it into creating a new path, a new living style that would allow her to lose the weight, turn her biomarkers around and help her to feel good, strong, energized, and, possibly excited by the
changes she would make.
There was none of that.. She was mired in victimhood (which often sits below the anger). It was clear she wouldn't move.
I invited her back at any time, after she cooled down (I didn't say it that way that either), so we could move into a plan with a strategy to help her lose the excess weight, if only a bit, then she could grasp that little bit of success, that momentum, and she would see it could indeed work for her too.
My words were something along the line of ...."I am thankful that you are here, I really am, but I do want YOU to be OK with being here, or at least show up ready to do some work, even if you don't want to, because a lot of us don't necessarily want to train, but we do it because it matters. And I think for you too, it matters, with the state of your health.
So maybe call me tomorrow and let me know your feelings around all of this, and I will support you in whatever way you need, with whatever decision you make."
Unless Joan would take the reins herself (take responsibility for where she was at AND the job of accepting an eating and movement plan that would support her health and goals), nothing I offered would 'stick'. There would always be that conscious and unconscious pushback and that needed to shift just a little bit, for her to move into any change. Her mindset, not her weight or health, was her true block in that moment.
Sadly, I never heard from her again and she never returned to class.
I often wonder where she ended up...what turn did her life take? Did she dissolve her roadblocks and move into a health plan? Did it work? Where was she now?
What has always fascinated me is human behaviour, and how much we cling to old ways, old beliefs, on an unconscious level. The saying 'Better the devil you know than the devil you don't' comes to mind here, meaning that most of use would rather stick to what we know, even when that path or choice is unhealthy, because there is certainty in it. Moving into the unknown is often too scary for the psyche to grasp. It wants certainty, and it will fight to keep the same
old same old happening.
THIS is why it is so imperative to learn to know and override our mental blocks (this is not motivation or willpower BTW, those usually fizzle in time because nothing in our thinking really changed within). And that is the most fascinating and rewarding part of my work and a health and wellness coach.
We all have fear. We all stumble. We all hit roadblocks. But unless we learn to transcend (not just tolerate) change, the changes we make will not stick. Hence, why 95% of all people on a weight loss / body transformation plan lose all their gains within 6-18 months, which often leads them back to doing the same thing, the same habit...reaching for another diet plan
or exercise plan. But without any change to the unconscious beliefs and patterns, they are repeating the same habit over and over again, staying stuck in the circling effect for years...decades, often.
It's not about trying harder.
It's about doing differently.
And therein lies the freedom, the power and the SUCCESS in all that you take on.
It's about crafting and utilizing a different skill set, drawing from a different tool kit, and that tool kit is YOU, changed, living and doing with ease and freedom and personal satisfaction, rather than beating yourself into submission with another hopeful lifestyle plan.
Let's do differently ladies. This year, 2023 has a very different energy about it...can you feel it? Full of promise, opportunity and a sense of hope and excitement!
Let's step in differently than we ever have before!
Book a free call and let's unearth the challenges facing you, and create a strategy to get you to where you want to be.....living lean, healthy, strong, confident and joyful again!
