Awhile back, I had a call with a woman who wanted to hire me to help her lose weight, and learn how to not self sabotage her results.
She had been in and out of dieting and failed weight loss attempts for over 20
years.
I gathered the background on her...her eating habits, movement strategy in the past and present, her current challenges, places where she felt stress and responsibility.
But when we got to her family dynamics, I began to have an uneasy feeling...something was lurking in the background that I needed to get clarity on.
When it came to talking about purchasing my program, she suddenly went very silent, and I could almost hear her gasp.
I asked her what was going on in that moment, because her energy had dropped tremendously: she went from excited and hopeful that she would finally be in a program that would support her in the physique goals that had eluded her for decades, to suddenly very quite and
dark.
Then she whispered "I could never ask my hubby for his support on this, it's a money thing and oh gosh, I just can't do it."
I pressed on, wanting to learn the parameters of her marriage, so I could better support her, but mainly, so I could better understand her emotional blockage.
She was almost crying now, her voice
was soft and far away. "It's just not how things are done in my marriage," meaning, she had to ask huubby's permission for money to access my program. He clearly held the majority of power in their marriage.
Then she said something that has always haunted me, this many years later, "I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I can't. I can't."
My heart bled for this
women. She was, from what I could assess on that one call, a sweet, kind, caring and devoted mother and wife. It reminded me of my mother and that generation, who were defined by their at-home take-care-of-family role, an where an outside career or personal desires were secondary to taking care of the family and home.
There are many ways to work a marriage, and neither is right or wrong, but what was truly at stake here was this woman's
worthiness, and a power play had been set in motion decades ago likely, that had her having less power and hence less of a position within her marriage.
Did she need to learn to advocate for herself? Did she need to express to her hubby how she had lived in suffering for decades, in a body that she no longer felt proud of, and she really wanted to look and feel good again?
Yes. But my role wasn't to convince her of that. Thirty years of living in a marriage in a certain way would not simply be turned around by a talk on 'you need to advocate for yourself', or 'whose responsibility is your health and happiness?' talk.
I suggested she talk to hubby, and if she wanted, I would do another call with her and him, to go over our strategy that we came up with, but it was too
much of her. That last bit sent her into a spiral, I'm afraid, suggesting that all 3 of us take a look at options.
'I have to get off the phone now, I've gotta go', was the last thing I heard. I never heard from her again.
Self worth. Worthiness. Those are usually the pieces that either drive women towards change, or it keeps them stuck in their current place, unable
to see the very shackles that have kept them away from their dreams and desires for years.
Today's woman however, is crafting a new way.
Today's vintage woman is learning to claim her voice and to stand in her greatness. This is living with courage, and to understand that our ability to step into and own our body, our health, our live and
our future aspirations is the first and greatest step toward autonomy and self advocacy, a must for living deeply, and authentically.
I can only hope that this dear woman will find her voice, and challenge the very structure that has kept her at arm's length from her desires and dreams.
The price of action requires courage and fortitude, yes. It is work.
But the price of inaction, in this scenario, is far greater in measure.
Karen.
Is YOUR current body transformation strategy working?
If not, let's
talk. It's easier to turn around than you think.Reminder: Our Warrior Woman FALL Workshop is happening in September at my home on Vancouver Island. We are
Powerful ladies, and our FALL workshop will help connect you to that powerful, authentic place within. Come learn to live with health and vitality, in a body (and a life) that we deserve.
