Heck, every woman on that call had something to say about her struggle with creating healthy boundaries, usually starting very young (it is definately a learned habit, often from what we witness in our mother's actions).
We say yes when we want to say no.
We over-serve those around us, serving them because that's 'what a good woman does', right?.
And nowadays with so many kids living at home longer, heck, we are staying in mother-serving role for far too long.
Plus with ageing parents on the horizon too, our list of to-do and to-take-care-of is getting longer and longer these
days.
And we all know that when we are swimming in overwhelm, fatigued, looking after everyone around us, we just don't have the energy to spend on self care.
We can't get our butt into gear to get to the gym (or we're too tired to do so).
Even better, let's dip into a Ben and Jerry's ice cream and comfort those feelings of shame,
guilt, overwhelm....
Yeah, that feels better....
And then the guilt from THAT comes seeping in.
It's kind of a no-win situation, and it perpetuates itself.
So what's the solution?
Last night, one of our members was
wearily talking about her dad who always throws a critique her way, this time it was around her excess weight.
And this usually threw her into a nasty retort back (to try to halt the insults), or to just try and ignore it (which never works).
Instead, this women did the bravest thing possible: she simply hung up the phone.
Not with a loud slam, or a cutting remark, she just slowly hung up.
She had an 'aha' moment, she stayed present, and her habit - her thoughts and meaning around what was happening - had shifted...
This was big news. This seemingly simple act of hanging up on the perpetrator was created from a very different energy this
time...
...self care. Being present. Knowing her worth. It was thoughtful, not angry energy.
(Yep, I shed a few tears myself when she was talking....)
For the first time in decades, she was responding instead of reacting. She stayed centered and calm and purposeful in her action.
And more important...she didn't ruminate about the call, thinking it over all night long, which might have led into the usual late night eating to soothe herself.
She cleaned it up right away. Done. No feelings of guilt hanging around, no 'checking out' as I call it, into self destructive behaviour like food or internally beating herself up with feelings of shame or anger.
And this 'cognitive restructuring' that happens is the heart of healthy bounaries...we are reclaiming our life, our worthiness, our soul.
Because when you love and cherish yourself, food becomes food again...it's not a check-out, a soother of sorts. Self care begins to beceom more important to you now, because you are feeling good about yourself.
What a breakthrough, and now this lovely woman has evidence to show her that there CAN be another way and she DID it.
She went into action and has begun to change how her brain is wired and firing. And this is where all change happens....within. But it takes ACTION, not just thinking about it. And that is the courage piece.
It was truly brave for her to
share with us all, and it helped ALL of us to see ourselves reflected in her struggle.
We were witnessing a true warrior woman who this time, did not go down her rabbit hole. Wow......
Practicing healthy boundaries creates a healthy body and life, rooted in self care and self love....period.
It doesn't get any more powerful than
this.
KAREN
