I prefer to be KIND, rather than Nice...

It was an interesting conversation I was having with another wellness coach recently, as we debated about the words Kind and Nice.

"I don't like the Nice thing", she said. "It means I have to turn the other cheek all the time, and I just gotta be straight up with people."

I get that. As women, we are often taught to be nice - "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

And while this is cool and, yeah, nice, the feeling in my body was anything but agreeable. I would feel that tightness in my solar plexus every time I chose to be nice and stifle my words and true feelings (your solar plexus is your emotional guidance system, your Power Center. When it contracts, you know you are giving away your power).

So I learned to be Kind. Which meant I would be able to tell a client the Truth of where she was at, but without smothering it or softening it because I was fearful of what she might think.

It does require finess however, to deliver some hard truths with kindness and compassion.

For example, recently I spoke to a woman who was interested in joining my Mastery Lifestlye Program for 40+ women. 

A lovely woman who was overwhelmed in her world, had gained 30+ pounds, and was just not feeling very confident.

Yet after a deeper talk, we uncovered her habit of putting everyone else first (the People Pleaser, often learned in early childhood...with a touch of Mother Guilt...'who am I to put myself first? That's not acceptable").

So I asked her point blank - given your busyness and all your responsibilities, how will you have time to commit to changes required?

'I'll just have to find a way", she said.

What I wanted her to consider, and what I wanted to hear, was that she was going to re-teach her husband and her kids a new way to take care of themselves more, do some food shopping, maybe even prep dinner (after all, she had 3 boys and a hubby, and kept saying 'well, if I'm not doing it for them, they will eat like crap').

So be it. Let them fall by the wayside for awhile. They are ADULTS, they WILL learn. Or not. But she could show them through example how to eat well for their health and daily lives.

"So can you commit to this, and make the changes necessary so that we can get you into a healthy, lean, strong body and a changed mindset? To feel more empowered and cantral in your own world? Can we craft out a time management strategy and a few other necessary changes so you can excel at this Body Transformation work and the results you will get?"

Her answer: "I'll have to check with my husband".
 

That was the clincher. She had yet to reclaim her world, her desires to have a healthy, gorgeous body and do the necessary changes required.

 

For her, it was too much to upset the apple cart, the very apple cart of taking care of everyone else (and kind of disabling them as adults, too), the very thing she had crafted years ago but which was the MAIN obstacle to her Body Transformation success.

 

For this lovely woman, I could have been 'nice' and skipped over the obvious personal roadblocks, and head straight into crafting an eating and movement plan, but the elephant was still in the room (and I made many mistakes in ignoring such things years ago. no more).

 

So instead I was KIND enough to tell her what I saw in its entirety, how she had a deep seeded fear and guilt as a woman in taking care of self, of feeling like she was challenging her hubby. 

And I explained that any wellness program would not succeed unless she was willing to work at the mindst level, be open to her psychology make-up and implement changes that would also affect the family tree (for many women, this is hugely beneficial, as the whole family learns and grows and gets healthy together).

 

She stayed quiet for a bit, then said again, 'I'll have to think about it."

 

To which I said, 'I'm sorry, but unless you are willing to look at all factors, I don't think my coaching or my program is a match for you."

 

I explained that that this isn't a macro issue, or a how-do-I-train issue. It also wasn't an ageing issue (it's because I'm older that I can't lose the weight thingie).

 

"This is a You issue", I kindly said. 

"The foundation is the mindset work, with strategy (food and movement) resting on top of that. If we can't work at that level, I'm afraid there will be no lasting change." (Note that this woman had been struggling with food issues and weight issues for over 20 years).

 

It was a mindset issue, with a subconscious programming that she had deep within, that kept her away from her truth, and what she wanted out of this life. (I always check with women on the complimentary calls I do to see about family - is there a hubby / partner? Are there children? Does your partner know you are on the call? Why or why not? Is he on board with you wanting to shift things?)

 

To be Kind means to tell the truth, be bold but compassionate, and not pass judgement on who is at the other end of the phone.

 

Unless this lovely lady wanted to take the reins back in her life, she would forever be second place in her world, and she would not reach her dreams of owning a great physique because she was afraid to own her own life and choices, and afraid of change.

 

And so it goes...we're all at a different place in our journey here, and we must be respectful and accepting of this. 

 

And speaking the Truth to a client is a must, because it might create the very 'aha' moment she needs in order to relcaim her life, and move into - and be excited by - the changes ahead.