Did your life turn out the way you thought it would?

Mine didn't.

Not at all

I found this picture in a junk drawer last week. I was 32 years old and in University. No spouse. No children. Just full of excitement, growth and dreams....

Fast forward 32 years and I never could have imagined where I landed.

Some good. Some hard. 
Some mysterious.

It's really too big to fathom. But one thing for certain is that I know I'm supposed to be right where I am.

Would I have wished parts were different? 
Of course.

But this is where people often say 'but you wouldn't be who you are today without the path you were in'.

Obviously.

But would I have wished my son didn't have a terminal condition that has left him needing help 24/7 and with a short life span and enduring all he does?

For sure.

Would I have wished for a dad that lived beyond 47, a dad that I treasured and wanted to grow old with and to be a grandfather for my son?

Absolutely.

Would I have wished I didn't fall into addiction, that took all my money and self respect for years?

You betcha. 

Would I have wished for all my pets to live forever?

Yes, definately.

Sooo many losses, regrets. To say you don't regret any of it, well, I dunno. 

I could have made better choices along the way (yes, I did know better. Never mind the 'you only did based on what you knew'. No, I knew better).

So here we are, at 64, being very contemplative the last year, moreso than ever.

Likely because my boy is getting older, and with that, he loses more strength every day.

My hubby is 70 and is showing the signs of ageing. He seems more feeble, forgetful. And he is still working. He must. We must.

And my own body at this age hurts, and my emotions are heightened, I sometimes feel like I just feel too much. I cry at sad commercials, when reading Hallmark cards, some of you might know what I mean.

I see the state of the world, our leaders, our institutions and I get angry, resentful, confused and sad by it all.

Never ever did that 32-year-old girl in the picture imagine this point in her life and how she got here, and the state of the world at this time.

But here we are. 
Here I am.

And we're still here, doing and being as best we can.

And despite how challenging it all is, there is beauty in every moment..

When I get to look out my window and see a sunrise, an eagle fly by or a rabbit nibbling at the lawn.

When my hubby hugs me and tells me he's glad we're together all these years.

When my son shares a funny video with me, and he's still here...

When I watch my 3 dogs playing without care, living in the moment....

...and I think 'oh, that's how it's done'.

Simple really...

Karen.

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